Out of Bondage...

When you hear about victims of human trafficking, most, if not all people, think about the children. The innocent children, ripped from their parents and sold or sold by their parents; either way, it is the vilest sense of the word. But I want to tell you, its not always that obvious. There are those who don't enter into this world until a later time in life. But, even then with those people, there are steps in their lives that began in childhood, that lead them to a dark world they may have no idea how escape from. Here is another part of my testimony to what JESUS can do for a life.

 

I started being taught around the age of 8, that I had no rights that would go against what an adult wanted. I was conditioned that the word NO meant nothing coming from me. Whenever I thought that I could tell someone and be rescued, wrong again. It was twisted against me somehow and made worse the next time. The only safe place I could find in my own home was when I would sneak out at night and hide in the doghouse with the dog. She was a German Shepherd, and she guarded me and curled up around me like a wayward pup. So began my life of hiding in my animals.

 

So you see, from very early in my life, I was preconditioned or brainwashed to believe that my feelings didn't matter, and my personality was obsolete. I was to be whatever was most desired or convenient for whoever was in charge of me.  As time went on, I grew into a person without an identity of my own; someone who had a terribly hard time making even the simplest of decisions. I have even gone into anxiety attacks at the grocery store with too many choices. Laugh if you will but I'm not joking. It has been a painfully frustrating life trying to fake normalcy, whatever that is.

 

Anyway back to where this ties in to trafficking, I discovered a "tool" to save my sanity so to speak. I call it vacating. You see, I eventually had my spirit broken too many times and had no idea how to fix it. I never was told about JESUS, for the first 12 yrs of my life, He was just an occasional picture on a wall or a song at Christmas. I learned that "they" will have their way, they will get what they want one way or another, and if I quit fighting it will be over sooner and the injuries, both physical and mental, will be less severe. So I discovered "Vacating" or leaving my body in a sense. I was always the kid in school with no attention span unless I was daydreaming, so I used that talent to my advantage. I bet you never thought of daydreaming as a talent huh?

 

Well, when you can daydream yourself away from a bad situation and come back when it is over, I would say that is a gift. I never saw it until this very moment as I am writing this, that I was about to write talent again and at the last minute wrote gift. GOD just told me that was a gift from Him. All those years I thought He was no where around for me. He gave me a gift to spare me, to bring me through some horrible years that seemed to never end. He gave me that gift so I could in turn use what I now know, and the testimony that I now have to reach out to others who need to feel unending grace.

 

Anyway, jumping ahead years into my adult life, I ended up on the streets quite a majority of the time from the time I was 15 until 3 years ago. I ended up there due to my own series of horrible choices. I also in turn, ended up becoming the property of someone or a group of someones. It seemed like the only way I felt like I had any value as a human being. No matter how mean or dark-hearted they were, I can remember the feeling of not feeling safe unless I had someone in charge of me hemming me in, controlling me and my decisions.

 

I travelled with truckdrivers for a large part of my teenage years who would take care of my basic needs and give me what I mistakenly called affection, until it was time to sell me on to the next. I spent time belonging to a horrible and evil travelling carnival. I spent the about 7 or 8 years belonging to a group of bikers called the Devils Disciples. I lived in an R.V. in the alley behind the Presidents house. Free room and board and I felt safe and looked after. That was right before I moved here in 2010. Two months after I moved here, I went on a Walk to Emmaus and became a Disciple of JESUS CHRIST!

 

So, since I was already an adult when I really got involved in trafficking, I felt that there really wasn't any one willing to hear my cries for help. No one really thought twice about the predicament I was in because "I was old enough to know better", so surely I caused my own problems and I could get myself free if I really wanted to. But you know what? I had no idea there was anything better for me. I didn't know how to be me, I didn't know who me was. Especially with no drugs or alcohol I truly felt like I had no personality whatsoever. And like I said earlier, it had become ingrained in me from an early age that whenever things start to get rough or things feel wrong, just freeze up, whatever you do don't fight it, and it will eventually pass. I learned that whatever life brought my way was mine to tolerate.

 

That is why it is such a challenge for me now. I am taking Champion classes for Self-Defense and survival skills at Spirit Fit Christian Martial Arts. And let me tell you it is completely transforming the very core of me and the ideology I thought I had escaped from. I thought that when I accepted CHRIST into my heart and life, since He pretty much just miraculously blessed me with the eradication of my drug and then cigarette addictions, I thought that He would just erase all scars from my past still living inside of me. He did not magically erase my past. What He did do was send me "tools" to reap the biggest benefit from my brokenness and to be able to learn how to heal.

 

Did you know that you have to accept something before you can heal from it? You cannot just try to pretend it doesn't bother you, you cannot be fake about the remaining pain if you want to heal. Because if you try to just discard it like trash or stuff it deeper, it will inevitably surface. And it could be worse somehow after it sits there for awhile and brews like a poisonous tea. Slowly killing you with internal rage and bitterness.

 

So now I am learning with the most awesome instructors and friends, how to heal completely, and I will be getting ample opportunity to reach out and share the LOVE of JESUS and the reason for my unending hope and joy. I can tell others out there, who know no better way, that there is such a thing as self-worth and it begins with my LORD and SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST! You have a right to be you, you have a right to FIGHT BACK! Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. GET UP OUT OF YOUR VICTIM MENTALITY, AND FIND YOUR IDENTITY IN CHRIST. You are a CHILD of the ONE TRUE KING! NOW ACT LIKE IT!!!!!!